


Killing Me Softly

by dojaefairy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Explicit Sexual Content, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Smut, smol side yutae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:41:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29129697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dojaefairy/pseuds/dojaefairy
Summary: In which Jungwoo slowly comes to realize, over time, that the melody of his heart never reached Jaehyun.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/ Kim Jungwoo (one-sided), Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 26
Kudos: 113





	Killing Me Softly

**Author's Note:**

> Finally breaking my writing hiatus! I'm not fully recovered yet but I've been trying to work on fics slowly and the first thing I release is pure angst... well. Biggest thanks to Allie and Esther for always hearing me out on my dojae ideas hehe. 
> 
> Have a fun time reading!

It all begins when Jungwoo notices that Jaehyun has gotten more secretive. They’ve been roommates long enough that they share secrets with each other, but this time, Jungwoo can tell something has shifted.

Normally, when they sit side by side on Jaehyun’s bed, both on their phones texting or playing, they chat about pretty much anything that crosses their minds, sometimes bordering on some pretty personal information.

This way, Jungwoo learned that Jaehyun is gay and that he’s had only one boyfriend back in high school, but it didn’t last more than a month because they both had different visions of their respective future. In exchange, Jungwoo told him about being bi and having dated two girls and a boy as well, and Jungwoo still remembers that conversation with fondness because Jaehyun coming out to him had given hope.

“How many people have you told?” Jungwoo had asked, trying not to sound too excited after learning his crush also liked men.

Jaehyun had flushed a deep shade of red before mumbling an answer.

“A few friends back home, and as for the group Johnny, Taeyong and Doyoung know. Well, you too now.”

“Okay,” Jungwoo had replied, licking his lips. “Cool,” he had added, feeling giddy.

Jaehyun had smiled, and Jungwoo’s heart had started beating faster.

But nowadays, Jungwoo can’t seem to find back the sense of intimacy that he used to share with his roommate slash crush. They still sit side by side on Jaehyun’s bed, phones in hand and snacks being eaten as they make small talk, but Jaehyun seems more protective of his phone.

Jungwoo has obviously grown curious, because he can’t see why Jaehyun would act like this unless he was hiding something – and the thought of Jaehyun hiding something important from him hurts more than it should. Jungwoo is painfully aware that they’re just bandmates and friends, but he wants more.

After several nights of seeing Jaehyun smile softly at his phone, Jungwoo decides he can’t take it anymore.

“Anything good happened?” he asks, trying his best not to sound too nosy.

“Hm? Sorry, did you say something?” Jaehyun asks, blinking owlishly at him.

“I was just wondering if something good had happened,” Jungwoo repeats, “you’ve been smiling and giggling at your phone the whole evening.”

To Jungwoo’s displeasure, Jaehyun blushes, and he hurriedly turns off his phone screen. He’s too fast so Jungwoo can’t see what Jaehyun was looking at, but he figures it might have been a conversation for Jaehyun to act this suspicious.

Who was he texting? Jungwoo wonders, frowning inwardly.

“A friend from home just told me about how he got with his crush, so it made me happy!” Jaehyun stutters, which makes him look extra suspicious in Jungwoo’s eyes.

“I see,” Jungwoo answers, not convinced.

Jaehyun gulps down audibly, and he stands up, pocketing his phone in his pants.

“I’ll go get some water and maybe some fresh air,” Jaehyun says, playing with his hands. “I’ll be back later!” he adds before leaving the room in a hurry.

Jungwoo’s stomach starts hurting in a way he really doesn’t like, but he figures he’ll have to give up for now.

* * *

“Let’s talk about our crushes,” Johnny suggests, slurred words making his speech almost unintelligible.

“Let’s not,” Taeyong immediately counters, but the way he glances at Yuta before focusing on Johnny again doesn’t go unnoticed by Jungwoo, who’s probably the less drunk here.

They’re having what Jungwoo supposes could be called a party, except it’s just a few 127 members sitting on the floor in Taeyong and Yuta’s shared bedroom for the current stop of their ongoing world tour. Johnny is almost completely wasted, Jaehyun and Yuta are more than tipsy because they keep giggling at anything Doyoung does, while Doyoung and Taeyong are visibly trying to focus despite the alcohol buzzing in their veins.

They’re not just having alcoholic drinks, though, they also bought some snacks so as to not drink on an empty stomach, and they’re all kind of over indulging because tomorrow is one of their rare free days – meaning they can all catch up on sleep and go sight-see on their own if they wish.

Jungwoo doesn’t know what his program for tomorrow will be like, but for now, he’s enjoying himself. Well, he guesses that depending on how the current conversation keeps going, his mood could deflate really quickly.

“C’mon Tae, it’ll be fun,” Johnny argues, pulling the least believable puppy eyes on their leader.

From where Jungwoo is sitting, it looks like Johnny is just going cross-eyed.

“Okay, I guess...” Taeyong reluctantly agrees.

“Yay!” Johnny cheers, almost knocking his drink on the carpet, which makes Taeyong yelp but makes Jaehyun and Doyoung guffaw.

Jungwoo sends a look at Jaehyun, who’s in front on him, and sighs inwardly. He’d need a miracle for Jaehyun to confess to him tonight, and he doesn’t know if he can hope for this much. Actually, Taeyong was right, agreeing to this topic of conversation was stupid, no one’s dumb enough to confess while drunk--

“I’ll start!” Yuta announces, “Taeyong, I fucking love you.”

The entire room falls silent. Johnny’s jaw drops, Jaehyun and Doyoung are frozen, Taeyong is gaping while staring at Yuta like he grew two additional heads while Yuta is smiling brightly at him. Jungwoo is still processing Yuta’s words, and it hits him that Yuta just confessed to Taeyong.

“Is this for real?” Johnny asks, breaking the silence.

Taeyong and Yuta are still staring at each other like there’s no one else around them, and Doyoung coughs.

“Um, maybe we should leave you guys?”

Jaehyun, on his side, nods, and Jungwoo exchanges a look with him. He too thinks they should leave Yuta and Taeyong, because they probably want to have a discussion in private.

“I love you too,” Taeyong finally blurts out, and from the way his voice breaks and tears fill up his eyes, it’s obvious he kept these feelings to himself for a long time.

“Yay!!” Yuta cheers before pulling Taeyong into a messy hug.

Taeyong starts crying, and Jungwoo shifts uncomfortably. Should they do something?

“Congratulations!” Johnny laughs, clapping like a seal.

Jungwoo deadpans.

Okay, time to leave, he thinks, that’s enough emotions for one night. He gets up, followed by Doyoung and Jaehyun. Jaehyun has to physically drag Johnny because he’s still clapping like he just witnessed Taeyong and Yuta getting married, and Doyoung lends him a hand. The four of them leave the room, closing the door on the (apparently) new couple still hugging each other.

“Johnny’s rooming with you, right?” Jaehyun asks Jungwoo, who nods, “okay, time for sleep Johnny, you’ve had more than enough drinks,” he tells the taller man whose energy suddenly went down.

“Yeah, sweep,” Johnny agrees, almost tripping on his own feet.

Doyoung catches him with an amused sigh, and they head for Johnny and Jungwoo’s shared room at the end of the corridor. Jungwoo unlocks the door and they help Johnny lie on his bed, covering him with a blanket.

“Thanks guys,” Jungwoo says after walking Doyoung and Jaehyun to the door, “he would’ve been too heavy for me to carry.”

“You need to build up more muscle,” Jaehyun jokes, and Jungwoo smiles at him.

“Let’s go to bed too,” Doyoung suggests to his roommate, and Jaehyun nods. “Night night, Woo!” Doyoung wishes, a grin stretching his lips.

“Good night,” Jungwoo answers.

The following morning, all of them meet in a private dining room for brunch, and Jungwoo isn’t surprised when Taeyong announces that he’s dating Yuta now. Johnny and Jaehyun cheer, while Taeil, Haechan and Mark try to understand how this suddenly happened.

Yuta is smiling so brightly while looking at his boyfriend that Jungwoo fears the older man will get a jaw cramp, but at the same time, he’s sincerely happy for the couple. While he had no idea they were in love with each other before yesterday night, it doesn’t change the fact that they seem to be delighted to have gotten together.

“Doesn’t anyone else have something to announce?” Johnny’s voice resonates in the room, sounding smug, and Jungwoo blinks in confusion.

He follows Johnny’s gaze and his heart drops as he understands the older member is staring at Jaehyun, who immediately blushes all the way to his ears.

No, Jungwoo wishes with all of his heart, no, no, no, there’s no way, there’s absolutely no way, _please_.

“There’s no one else,” Taeyong cuts off, “Johnny, you can’t force someone if they’re not ready to announce something.”

“Don’t worry, I was just asking an innocent question,” Johnny winks.

Jungwoo feels sick, and he agrees in a small voice to spend the day with Haechan, Mark and Taeil.

In the end, he doesn’t learn why Jaehyun blushed so hard that day, nor what Johnny knew. The thought sometimes bothers him at night, but he doesn’t see how he should bring up the topic to either of them, so he keeps his questions to himself.

* * *

He does get his answer a few months later, and he doesn’t think he has the proper words to describe the pain that hits him when he does.

It’s late at night, probably around 11pm, and he’s gone to bed already, his phone on his bedside table after he got done playing one last round of a racing game he’s been into recently.

His eyes are closed and he’s wondering when Jaehyun will come back to their room, because his roommate has been gone the whole evening and he knows for a fact that his schedule was clear. He’s falling asleep when the door opens, and he almost sits up to greet Jaehyun when he recognizes Doyoung’s voice.

“Jaehyunnie, are you sure?” Doyoung asks, sounding breathless for a reason Jungwoo can’t explain.

“Of course I am,” Jaehyun answers, “come on in, Jungwoo should be asleep already.”

Jungwoo cracks an eye open, and the light from the corridor is more than enough to define Jaehyun and Doyoung’s silhouettes. He opens his eyes completely, not sure if he’s understanding the situation correctly, and he has to hold back a gasp as he sees Doyoung lean in and kiss Jaehyun fully on the mouth.

Doyoung’s hands seem to be resting on Jaehyun’s chest, whether over or under his shirt, Jungwoo isn’t sure, while Jaehyun’s are firmly circling Doyoung’s tiny waist. Jungwoo can hear them kiss, their lips and their tongues meeting making wet sounds that make his skin crawl in jealousy and disappointment.

He wants to close his eyes, both to protect them from the light and from the sight of his crush making out with their bandmate, but he can’t look away. He discreetly pinches himself, and grits his teeth as the pain is sharp, rooting him in the bitter reality.

Before his eyes, the couple finally separates, breathing heavily. Doyoung closes the door as silently as possible, and he speaks up.

“Can you make sure Jungwoo is asleep? I don’t want to wake him up.”

Too late, Jungwoo thinks, and never in his life did he think a day would come where he would hate Doyoung, and yet here he is, wishing with all of his being that Doyoung would leave the room. Why him, Jungwoo wonders, anger and disappointment overwhelming him, why him and not me? What does he have that I don’t?

Jaehyun’s approaching footsteps make him close his eyes and fake a normal sounding breathing rhythm, and Jaehyun’s gone again, back to Doyoung.

“It’s all good, he’s sound asleep and he doesn’t wake up easily.”

“Okay, I’m relieved. I’d be so embarrassed to wake him up because we’re sharing your bed.”

Jungwoo hears them kiss, and Jaehyun’s voice is low but the room is completely silent, making it easy to hear him.

“Jungwoo is an adult too babe, I’m sure he’d understand that we have needs and that it’s not easy fulfilling them. Besides, you’re gonna be quiet, aren’t you?”

Doyoung yelps at that, probably from embarrassment, and Jungwoo hears more kissing as the couple starts stripping before getting into Jaehyun’s bed. At this point of the night, Jungwoo is faced with the unavoidable truth that he’s going to witness his crush make love to another man. His heart is already shattered beyond repair, and he honestly can’t tell whether he can withstand hearing Jaehyun and Doyoung have sex while he’s crying as silently as possible.

He reaches for the tissue box on his bedside table, hesitantly. He doesn’t want to knock anything on the floor and let them know he’s fully awake and crying. His fingers come in contact with the soft fabric of a paper tissue, so he pulls on it carefully. He gets another one as the couple keeps making out, and while Jungwoo can hear them move under the bed sheets, he’s at least thankful that they’re not too noisy.

Jungwoo cleans his face, wiping his burning eyes and his swollen nose as much as he can, and while part of him wants to maybe grab his earphones to listen to some music so that he won’t have to listen to his roommate banging his alleged boyfriend, there’s another part that’s curious, in an uncomfortable way.

Jungwoo honestly thinks he’s a nice man, he’s quite handsome to boot and he’s been told more times than he can count that he’s funny and a good listener. When it comes to being close with Jaehyun, he’s sure that he’s among the members who know him best, so he had the hope that perhaps it’d be easier for Jaehyun to open up to him and see him in a romantic way.

What frustrates him to no end is that he’s also extremely close to Doyoung, not as close as Taeyong for sure (and now not as close as Jaehyun, he remarks bitterly) but definitely closer than other members. He’s astounded he never noticed Doyoung’s feelings for Jaehyun. He has no idea how long they’ve been dating, but his best guess is a couple months at least, given how they’re already addressing each other by petnames and… well… having sex.

Jungwoo tries but fails to repress a shiver of jealousy at that thought. He doesn’t know what Doyoung did or said for Jaehyun to fall in love with him, but whatever it is, Jungwoo is sure he could’ve done it too, even better. He knows there’s no such thing as fairness when it comes to love, but if feels unfair that Doyoung gets to be the one receiving Jaehyun’s affection.

“ _Jaehyun_ ,” Doyoung moans at that very instant.

Jungwoo snaps back to reality, and he frowns as Doyoung moans Jaehyun’s name once again. He sounds breathless, like pleasure’s building up and he’s having a hard time taking it all. Jungwoo stops breathing as he hears Jaehyun chuckle and speak up.

“How come you’re so loose baby? You’re taking my fingers so well when I barely touched you.”

Doyoung chokes on air, and Jungwoo listens even more carefully.

“What did you say?” Jaehyun asks, keeping his voice low, and Jungwoo knows that if he were Doyoung, pinned down to the mattress under Jaehyun’s weight, he’d be impossibly turned on by Jaehyun’s sexy voice.

Jungwoo reminds himself that this is probably not the first time Doyoung gets to experience love with Jaehyun, and he feels more miserable than he’s ever felt because of a heartbreak. It’s not like Doyoung needs to imagine what it’d feel like to kiss Jaehyun or be held by him, because he has it all.

What a lucky bastard, Jungwoo curses inwardly, and he’s once again taken aback by how fast his resentment towards Doyoung is growing. Don’t hate him because he succeeded in getting with Jaehyun, Jungwoo repeats himself like a mantra, don’t hate him, don’t hate him--

“I didn’t do anything,” Doyoung answers Jaehyun, and it’s obvious he has a hard time talking.

Jungwoo figures that if Jaehyun is fingering him, then it’s no wonder he’s this breathless.

“Stop lying,” Jaehyun teases, “c’mon, you know the quicker you say the truth the sooner I’ll fuck you the way you like it. Don’t you wanna be fucked real hard and fast, baby?”

Doyoung whines, and Jungwoo prays he tells Jaehyun what the latter wants to hear, because their foreplay is already too long.

“Okay,” Doyoung groans, “I masturbated in my room earlier and I used one of our toys,” he replies, quickly.

He doesn’t particularly sound ashamed. If anything, Jungwoo notices, he sounds like smug, like he dragged the conversation on purpose because he enjoyed Jaehyun teasing him and pushing him to the edge.

“Fuck, baby, that’s so sexy,” Jaehyun moans, “wish I could’ve seen that.”

“I can show you next time,” Doyoung suggests in an innocent tone that sounds extremely exaggerated.

“Yes, yes you should,” Jaehyun groans, “I’ll make you get on your knees to suck me off, except you’ll have a vibrator deep inside your ass and you’ll have to touch yourself – but no cumming until I say so.”

“Please,” Doyoung keens, “I’ll be so good for you.”

There’s more kissing, and Doyoung lets out a particularly high whine – because Jaehyun finally penetrated him, Jungwoo figures. Jungwoo is feeling disgusted with himself for still being here eavesdropping on his two bandmates fucking, but he doesn’t know what else to do.

Now that’s he’s heard so much, he can’t help but feel like he wants to know more. At least for tonight, he’ll force himself to go through listening to his crush making love to someone else, and while every single sweet word of love shared by the couple is another stab in his heart, he tells himself he needs to hear this now, to make the moving on process easier.

There’s no more teasing words now, only the sound of quick hip thrusts making the bed shake and the wetness of a cock being jerked off. Both Jaehyun and Doyoung are keeping their moans and grunts low, but at this point, Jungwoo is far too disappointed to be thankful that they’re making efforts not to be too loud.

“Cumming,” Doyoung cries out first, “oh my God Jaehyunnie I’m gonna cum-”

Jungwoo figures Jaehyun silences Doyoung with a passionate kiss, and he can picture against his will how Doyoung looks as white probably paints his and Jaehyun’s stomachs while Jaehyun climaxes deep inside him. It takes the couple a moment to come down from their high, and Jungwoo’s tears are back as he hears them share cute words of love while they gently make out.

“Love you Doyoungie,” Jaehyun murmurs in a sweet voice as he peppers kisses all over Doyoung’s face.

“I know you do but stop drooling on me,” Doyoung protests, making Jaehyun laugh.

“You love it when I drool on you, stop lying to yourself.”

“I don’t!”

“Don’t be so loud!”

Jungwoo bites his lower lip so hard he fears it might start bleeding. His only hope if he wants to fall asleep is Doyoung and Jaehyun leaving the room to clean up. He won’t be able to wait for them to fall asleep first, he really won’t.

“Jaehyunnie, you’re heavy and I feel disgusting,” Doyoung says.

Jungwoo perks up. Yes, good, get out, he prays.

“Hm-hm,” Jaehyun merely hums, apparently not in a hurry to get up.

“Please? Get off me?”

“Say that you love me and I will,” Jaehyun pouts.

“I love you,” Doyoung immediately deadpans, “there, now get off me?”

“You didn’t sound sincere,” Jaehyun protests, “I’m not getting off.”

Doyoung sighs, and he seems to shift under Jaehyun, probably embracing him tightly. Jungwoo gives up on covering his ears, thinking he might as well get completely hurt.

“Love you more than anything, my Jaehyunnie,” Doyoung whispers, articulating each syllable slowly. “I love that you’re mine, and I love to be yours.”

Jungwoo’s heart squeezes so painfully in his chest he temporarily finds himself unable to breathe. In any other context, if it wasn’t someone confessing to his crush, he’s sure he would’ve found such words to be beautiful. But now they only serve to make him cry harder, reminding him that he’ll never have that with Jaehyun.

“Oh, Doyoung,” Jaehyun coos, “you’re the best.”

There’s more kisses, and finally, the couple leaves the room, holding hands. Jungwoo sits up, trying to pick up his breath, and a sob escapes his bitten lips. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve to learn that his feelings were not reciprocated in such a cruel way. All he knows is that it hurts, everything hurts so much and he hates how there seems to be pain going from one end of his body to the other.

He wipes his eyes furiously and gets up. His first reflex is to go to the bathroom, then he remembers at the last minute that Doyoung and Jaehyun are probably showering (fucking too, a nasty voice whispers at the back of his mind) so he backtracks and heads for the kitchen instead.

Jungwoo quickly rinses his face, and he lets out a tired sigh. What an awful night, he thinks, what a goddamn awful night. Hopefully Jaehyun and Doyoung will go straight to sleep after their shower, and all he’ll have to do is go back to his own bed and trick himself into falling asleep somehow, in spite of the emotional turmoil torturing him.

He turns off the kitchen lights and leaves, and to his horror, he comes out at the same moment as Jaehyun leaves the bathroom. Before he can go back to the kitchen to hide from his roommate, Jaehyun flicks the lights of the living room on and sees him standing there, frozen.

Jaehyun is alone, and Jungwoo can hear the water still running in the bathroom so he figures Doyoung isn’t quite done yet. He makes eye contact with Jaehyun, who flushes, and he forces himself to speak up.

“Hey,” he says, his voice soft.

In other circumstances, Jungwoo would’ve asked for nothing more than to catch Jaehyun freshly out of a warm shower, exposing his perfect body almost entirely save for the towel hiding his crotch. But now, it feels wrong to even glance at Jaehyun’s bare chest.

“Oh, um, hi,” Jaehyun stutters, “what are you doing here?”

Jungwoo sends him a pained look.

“Couldn’t sleep.”

Jaehyun chokes, and Jungwoo would almost be amused at how different this Jaehyun is from the one earlier who was whispering dirty promises in his boyfriend’s ear. This Jaehyun right here just looks like a high school boy who got caught having sex in his room by his mom.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry,” Jaehyun immediately amends, “did we wake you up? I was persuaded you were asleep.”

“It’s okay,” Jungwoo lies, “I mean, everyone has needs, I understand that you wanted to take it to your bed.”

Jaehyun looks extremely ashamed, and he keeps shifting from one leg to the other.

“I’m really sorry, it won’t happen again. I’ll ask for the room next time, I promise.”

“It’s fine,” Jungwoo repeats, amazed at how easy it is to pretend he’s just annoyed at his roommate for having sex in the same room. “So, you and Doyoung, huh?”

His boyfriend’s name seems to cheer him up, Jungwoo notes with disappointment. Jaehyun nods before coming closer.

“How long has it been?” Jungwoo asks.

“Remember the tour last year, when all of us were drunk and Taeyong and Yuta got together?”

Jungwoo frowns. He does remember that night, but he can’t see when Doyoung and Jaehyun confessed.

Jaehyun, picking up on his confusion, goes on.

“After we wished you good night, I didn’t want the night to end like this: I decided to confess to Doyoung. We went to the hotel’s private swimming pool and got into the water still fully dressed. Obviously, we weren’t supposed to be there, and that made it all the more special, you know? So I confessed, we kissed and we started dating.”

That’s a lot of information for Jungwoo, whose head is kind of spinning. He tries his best to remain focused, and goes “wow”. Jaehyun nods timidly, and he shows Jungwoo his left hand, on which a nice, expensive looking band sits around his ring finger.

“We will celebrate our first year together in two months and I really, really love Doyoung more than anything. We had dinner outside earlier for our tenth-month anniversary and I gave him a promise ring.”

“Wow,” Jungwoo repeats because he can’t believe he went from learning to Doyoung and Jaehyun were an item to them having couple rings and being serious with each other. “I had no idea so many things were going on. Who else knows?”

“Johnny caught us when we came back from the pool back then,” Jaehyun admits, rubbing his head, “he woke up in the middle of the night to go to our room because he forgot his phone charger there, and he saw us all drenched and holding hands so he immediately connected the dots. Other than that, Taeyong and Yuta know, and that’s about it.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t tell the group,” Jungwoo says, trying not to sound too accusatory.

“I like to keep things private, as you know,” Jaehyun confesses, “after our first anniversary, we’ll tell everyone.”

“Okay,” Jungwoo answers, still hurt that Jaehyun and Doyoung hid their relationship on top of breaking his heart, “well, congratulations, even if it’s a little late given how long it’s been.”

“Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” Jaehyun amends.

“It’s fine,” Jungwoo shakes his head.

Jaehyun seems about to add something when the bathroom door opens, revealing an equally half-naked Doyoung. He only notices Jaehyun at first, or at least that’s what Jungwoo believes because he’d be pretty surprised if Doyoung was comfortable with showing this much affection to Jaehyun in front of others.

Jungwoo watches with burning jealousy how Doyoung back-hugs Jaehyun, burying his face in his neck and his hands going for Jaehyun’s stomach, gently feeling up his abs. He really dislikes how pretty Doyoung’s ring looks on his hand, it irks him to no end how beautiful of a match Jaehyun and Doyoung look like this, in a tight embrace while their matching rings shine in the light of the damn living room, like they’re fucking married.

“Baby!” Doyoung sing-songs, rubbing his face against Jaehyun’s shoulder.

Jungwoo feels thankful that Jaehyun has at least the decency to look embarrassed, and he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t want to, because he’s nothing to say. It’s obvious Jaehyun’s heart belongs to Doyoung only and vice versa, and he’d rather not cause problems with either of them or within the team because of his one-sided attraction for Jaehyun.

“Doyoung, Jungwoo’s here,” Jaehyun informs his lover, talking so quickly it takes a couple of seconds for Doyoung to understand what he just said.

Jungwoo would snigger, but he doesn’t have the heart to, so he just observes as Doyoung hurriedly gets off Jaehyun’s back and blushes while choking on air.

“Jungwoo!” Doyoung chokes some more, “why are you here so late?”

“We woke him up,” Jaehyun winces, “I already apologized and I told him about us.”

Doyoung gets even redder, and he can’t bring himself to make proper eye contact with Jungwoo, which Jungwoo understands. Any affection he had for Doyoung is gone now, replaced by deep resentment and anger, so he couldn’t care less if Doyoung felt bad about earlier.

“I’m so sorry,” Doyoung says, and he sounds sincere, “we shouldn’t have done that and this is not how I wanted to tell you about our relationship.”

Jungwoo shrugs.

“It’s fine, at least you two had a good time from what I heard. Just warn me next time, I’ll sleep somewhere else.”

His own voice surprises him. It’s the first time he’s ever been this cold to Doyoung, and he’s got a hunch it won’t be the last. Being rude to the friend who stole his crush from him won’t do anything good, but Jungwoo finds some slight satisfaction in doing it anyway.

Doyoung’s expression crumbles, and Jaehyun’s doesn’t look much better.

“I’m really sorry,” Doyoung repeats, and it sounds like he’s about to cry.

Jungwoo doesn’t feel bad about it.

“I shouldn’t have come over tonight,” Doyoung says, his voice low, “Jaehyunnie, I’m gonna go back to my room if you don’t mind. Good night Jungwoo,” he concludes, turning on his heels and heading for Jaehyun’s room – to retrieve his clothes, Jungwoo guesses.

“Wait, Doyoung!” Jaehyun exclaims before going after his boyfriend, not sparing Jungwoo a single glance.

Jungwoo grits his teeth at that, and it takes all of his willpower not to let out an angry scream. If anyone should be crying now, it should be him, not Doyoung. Doyoung has no room to cry when he’s got Jaehyun’s love and attention and a goddamn promise ring. Jungwoo has none of that, he’s got absolutely nothing.

He goes back to the kitchen to drink some water to calm down, and after a few minutes, decides to go back to his room. He barely has time to think “hopefully Doyoung is gone already” that he sees Doyoung and Jaehyun sitting on Jaehyun’s bed, side by side. Jaehyun is holding Doyoung against him, kissing his hair and hugging him tightly, while Doyoung is curled up against him, holding a crumpled tissue in his fist.

Jungwoo gets closer to the room while making himself discreet, and he eavesdrops on the couple for the second time of the night.

“It’s fine, I’m gonna go back to my own room,” Doyoung says between two hiccups.

Despite voicing his intention to leave, Jungwoo notes with a touch of annoyance that he’s not moving. Jaehyun, to boot, seems to hold him even tighter.

“Don’t leave, please,” Jaehyun says.

“I don’t want to stay,” Doyoung replies, “did you hear how Jungwoo talked to me? He sounded so mad.”

Jungwoo holds back a scoff – it’s not that surprising that Doyoung picked up the annoyance in his voice earlier, though.

“Baby… there’s no way he was mad at you. He adores you, Doie, he really does. I think he was just really annoyed that we weren’t discreet, but it’s okay. I’ll talk to him and I’m sure we’ll settle things after a good night of rest,” Jaehyun assures Doyoung, kissing his hair repeatedly.

Doyoung looks up with humid eyes and nods, and Jaehyun pulls him into a slow, loving kiss, making Jungwoo wince. Jaehyun has no way to know that he really is mad at Doyoung, not only for coming over in their shared room for sex, but mostly because he’s dating his crush. Jungwoo is starting reconsidering his earlier decision of not causing problems with both Doyoung and Jaehyun, he seriously is.

“Thank you for comforting me, I love you,” Doyoung tells Jaehyun, “I’d rather sleep in my room, though. I wouldn’t feel comfortable staying here after what happened and I’m sure Jungwoo would rather not have me either.”

“Okay,” Jaehyun agrees this time, and Jungwoo thanks the heavens that Doyoung won’t stay. “Let’s go sleep in your room.”

Jungwoo freezes at the same time as Doyoung.

“Why do you look so surprised? I’m not letting you sleep on your own on our anniversary, and especially after how our night didn’t end as nicely as we thought,” Jaehyun tells Doyoung with a grin. “Let’s go?”

This time, it’s Doyoung who initiates the kiss, and Jungwoo rolls his eyes. He curses Doyoung inwardly, and before the couple can see him, goes to the bathroom and locks the door. He decides to wait as much time as necessary for the couple to leave the room, and to his surprise, Jaehyun texts him: his roommate sends a quick apology and adds that he’s going to sleep in Doyoung’s room with the latter.

Jungwoo answers with a sharp “good night” and heads back to his now empty room. He glares at Jaehyun’s bed before wrapping himself in his blanket, and he forces himself to sleep despite the turmoil agitating his heart and mind.

* * *

The situation blows up a couple months later. By then, Doyoung and Jaehyun have come out to all of the members as a couple, and everyone – except for Jungwoo, who had to force himself to pretend the best he could – was happy for them. Jungwoo never caught Doyoung and Jaehyun again, but the unavoidable truth is there: his relationship with both has grown strained.

Jungwoo knows he first told himself not to create trouble, but he can’t bring himself to properly move on from Jaehyun, no matter how many times he’s seen the rings and Jaehyun showering Doyoung with love. Worst of all, he can’t bring himself not to resent Doyoung more and more, and their previous, brother-like closeness, has almost completely disappeared.

He’s noticed Doyoung growing more nervous around him, and he hasn’t bothered initiating a conversation with the elder yet. He doesn’t know if ever will, for the one he really wants to talk to is Jaehyun. There’s a raging desire to bare his heart to his crush, in a way that feels almost masochistic, because Jungwoo isn’t stupid and he knows nothing but rejection awaits him the day he decides to talk to Jaehyun.

And so, it all escalates when Jaehyun enters their shared room, annoyance painted all over his handsome face. Jungwoo is sitting on his own bed, just mindlessly scrolling on his phone to distract himself, and he sends Jaehyun a curious glance. It takes a lot for Jaehyun to be mad, because he doesn’t like causing unnecessary fights.

“We need to talk,” Jaehyun says, and he really sounds angry.

Jungwoo sits up and nods, unsure what this is all about. Jaehyun sighs, obviously growing more annoyed, and establishes eye contact. His stare is cold, which is really unusual.

“I was with Doyoung just now, and he told me that ever since _that_ night, he’s been feeling really uncomfortable around you, to a point he doesn’t even dare talk to you anymore.”

Jaehyun pauses, takes a deep breath, and he speaks up again.

“So will you tell me what’s wrong? Is it because you still resent us for having sex while you were in the room? It’s been literal months and it never happened again! We both apologized, for fuck’s sake! Doyoung’s been feeling really stressed and I hate to see him like that.”

Jungwoo doesn’t mean to, but a small laughter escapes his lips – not the happy kind, but the sarcastic kind. He throws his hands in the air, and lets them fall back by his sides. He stares at Jaehyun, and spits out his answer.

“Doyoung, Doyoung, Doyoung! It’s always about him, isn’t it? I’m going crazy hearing you talk about him all the damn time, from morning to night it’s only Doyoung said this, Doyoung did this! I’m so fucking tired of it.”

Jaehyun takes a step back, eyes wide open in surprise. Jungwoo can tell he was not expecting such an outburst, but now that he started, he can’t stop himself.

“What the fuck did Doyoung ever do for you to be this madly in love with him when I’ve been right here for so much time? You told me everything about you and I told you everything about me! Why him and why not me?! I hate him so much!”

Jaehyun gapes, but anger quickly comes back to replace astonishment on his face.

“So this is what it’s always been about, huh? You were jealous of him?”

Before Jungwoo can confirm it, Jaehyun resumes speaking.

“I never thought I’d ever say that to you, but fuck you Jungwoo, fuck you for hurting my boyfriend when he did nothing except be the most amazing lover I could’ve ever asked for. Now that I know why you acted like this, I’m feeling absolutely disgusted. I can’t believe that instead of settling things like adults, you chose to act like a dick.”

Jungwoo’s anger dissipates as quickly as it appeared, and he’s about to apologize for lashing out at Jaehyun when the latter takes another step back.

“Before I leave, I’ll have you know that I’ve been in love with Doyoung ever since I first met him and I never regretted it once. Don’t bother talking to me or to him – and _especially to him_ – outside of work, I’m done with you.”

There’s a lump in Jungwoo’s throat as he watches Jaehyun storm off and leave the room, not even bothering to close the door behind him. He bites on his lower lip, enough to make it bleed, and the tears he’s become too familiar with over the past months are soon burning his eyes like acid.

He thought he had been prepared for this conversation, and especially for how it would end. He thought he had been ready, replaying in his mind several scenarios following his confession that would all lead to the same point: Jaehyun rejecting him. What he hadn’t seen coming was his jealousy taking over the confession, making his feelings overflow against his will.

Now the bubble has burst and all that’s left are the shattered remains of his heart and the painful realization that he ruined what he had with Jaehyun and Doyoung for good. Jungwoo curls up on himself, breath coming out in short hiccups. Now, all he can do is wait until he’s forced to come out of his room, and prepare to put on a facade again to hide his true feelings.

**Author's Note:**

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